Ancient Woman

I just had it brought to my attention recently that my wittle, ittle baby boy is going to be a teenager this year.  

Say WHAT???  I must have just had on blinders and blocked that fact completely from my mind.  But in May I will pass yet another milestone in life.  No longer a mom to small children or little boys and a girl... but a mom to two teens and, get this, a TWENTY-THREE year old daughter.  I feel ancient.

My daughter, by the way, passed her own milestone recently by spreading her golden wings and flying the coop.  On one hand I am extremely proud of her and very happy for her to have her own place, yet on the other hand my heart was broken in a way only moms can know.  Jason said he will miss her but that it's just another phase of life and we must just keep going.  This is a fact I am aware of, thank you very much, but that doesn't change the fact that my little red-headed sweet baby is now an independent woman and is no longer at home with me.  She has so much ahead of her and all I can do is hope that we taught her well and that she makes the right choices in life.  But she isn't HERE and that makes me sad.

My middle son, and yes, he does exhibit ALL the signs of a middle child, has just told me that he is NOT moving out this summer as he planned, but is staying with us a little longer.  He is 18 and very excited about that,and happily he is showing more maturity and responsibility, so this year is looking up.   It's hard on us moms, when we love our child so fiercely that we don't want to let go.  We have to grow up as they grow wings and we have to realize that holding on too tightly can, instead of bringing them closer,  create a distance between us.
  I remember that sweet little chubby-cheeked, red-headed boy who loved me more than anything and wonder where he has been these last couple of years.  He is still affectionate and adorable, don't get me wrong, but as he moves into manhood, I have to realize that the dynamics of our relationship are so incredibly altered from the times when he wanted to be with no one else and I was the only one who could kiss his tears away.  And of course, that is the way it is supposed to be.  But I can still pout about it.  :P

So now I get to the part I argue with my friends about.  They say I am too soft on my baby boy.  Okay, so I will concede that this is PARTIALLY true.  Yes, I am easy on him most of the time.  I am holding on to him with all my might right now.  Yes, that is the clingy side of me; the side that doesn't want her baby to grow up.  I don't have a little baby to cuddle anymore.  I don't have a little boy that sits in my lap and gets me to read to him over and over again.  I don't have a little one that looks up at me as if I were the most adored being on earth.
But, I do have a really cool kid to hang out with.  I do have a silly boy that still loves the things I love... old Star Trek reruns... the beauty of nature...funky 80's music...and reading for hours at a time.  Hopefully that will last a long time.  Who knows if his teenage years will tear him from me, but I will fight it with all my might.  I will not be TOO easy on him, because I know that he needs to learn that life isn't all a bed of roses and I know he needs to be able to function in society with good life skills and responsibility.  I want him to grow up to be a caring, generous, loving man and I will work hard to get him there.  But for right now.... he's still my baby.